Signs

When Aaron and I were in college we avoided the sweltering heat one evening and ran to the movie theater where we could relish a few hours of air conditioning, and watch a movie that was touted to be the 'Jaws of cornfields'--a little M. Night Shyamalan flick that was slotted as a thriller movie.  But afterwords as I left the cool interiors of the movie theater into the oppressive heat of the summer night, what I realized was that it wasn't an alien thriller movie at all.  It was a metaphor about faith.  Omit alien and insert anything you like.  Cancer or car crash, lost job, or cheating spouse, whatever it is, it comes to us unwelcome, invading, confusing, and painful.  And in the midst of that struggle there are hints at something bigger, something sacred in the suffering, something drawing us into the powerful connective tissue of humanity, with small, darting glimmers of hope that keep our feet moving forward despite the mud and blood and tears.

Her husband suffered a brain injury, and her story speaks to all of us.

When I was a middle school Language Arts teacher I attended a workshop in a high school and that teacher had a poster on his wall with a quote that melted me.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle."

~Ian MacLaren

It moved me because I wanted to be that person who had an awareness of the pains around me.   I wanted to see the troubled behavior as reaching out, as communication, as an SOS from someone as their ship is sinking.  Not that I thought could swoop in and save them, not that I had the perfect thing to say to remedy their pains or struggles, but that I could just simply be kind.  Be kind without judgement or condemnation.  Be kind and nothing else.  

Years ago I watched an interview with Oprah, and was moved at her insight about what every human being she has ever interviewed:

“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted vali­dation. If I could reach through this tele­vision and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’

Everyone wants validation, compassion, encouragement.  Everyone needs kindness because aren't we all in a fight, exhausted, wounded, troubled, crippled in some way?

Our family has been graced with powerful reminders to be aware of the people around us, of the flares they send out for help.   We are penitent for the judgements we have cast on others when our lives were clicking along beautifully and we were frustrated with them because we wanted them to just hurry up and be happy, get over it, move on because their struggles were killing our buzz.  At the time it didn't feel like that, but now, on the other side of experience, we see it for what it was.  

I feel especially sorry for responding to my brother this way years ago, my little brother Wade, who had consequences and circumstances that I had never had to deal with personally, and I wanted him to just get it together.  We were doing well at the time.  We were in a house, happily married, a new baby boy, in secure jobs, plugged in at church.  Why couldn't he just follow our model and do the same thing? The funny thing about circumstances is they are always theoretically applied.  We can say we know what we'd do in their shoes, but it's not true.  We can tell them what they should do, or how to handle their situation, or give them a stirring motivational oration that would move angels to weep, but that's not what anyone needs.  What he needed, what we need, what every single person needs, is kindness and validation.

I'm so grateful to the people in our live who have been graceful with us during this season of tribulation, and gentle, and kind, and validating.  There are no words to convey how your love has taught us how we want to be in the world.  

This article is what I needed today.  The story broke my heart, and spoke to my heart, and reminded me to simply have heart.

En Route

Fade In:  Night on the freeway.  Raining, wipers streak against the windshield.  KLOVE plays softly on the radio.  Red break lights illuminate faces in the car, boys getting restless in the back seat, mom anxious to get through the congested Portland traffic to pick husband from work.

Raph:  IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII love you, Mom.

Mom:  (sigh)  I love you too, Raphie.

Raph:  I love you AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lot, Mom.

Mom:  I love you a lot too, sweetheart.

Raph:  Okay, stop talking now, Mom.  It quiet time.  Quite time NOW.

Back On the Horse & the Holiness of Garbage Trucks

I've been a naughty blogger.  Sporatic at best.

I actually created an epic photo video from the summertime to compensate for the vast drought of posts here for four months, and after hours and hours editing that masterpiece, YouTube nixed it because it detected the contents I used regarding copyrighted music.  Not like I would be trying to make money off it, just a digital scrapbook with sound, that's all.  I had given all the props right there on the video to each artist, and I even tried to make my blog private and YouTube was still all "no way, you filthy, rotten music stealer."  I totally get it, I really do love musicians, and value their art and craft, and really do have respect for their rights and all that.  But COME ON!!! That video was going to be the coolest thing since sporks, man!  So, currently it's vaulted in my computer, and hopefully I can alter it and share it here one day.  With uber cool reggae music nonetheless.

In the meantime, I thought I had better get back on the saddle with this blog and continue to chronicle the events of my family so one day my boys can read it and (hopefully) appreciate their childhood through my eyes, and draw new insights into adulthood and parenthood through my words and experiences.  We're still seeking miracles here, and it's still very messy.  So the show must go on.

Today was an average day where we took Papa to work and then rushed home to eat breakfast then dive into school.  And as we were trying to back into our driveway to get it all started, the garbage truck was blocking our route.  As my right turn blinker ticked away, we watched that giant truck extend an arm with perfect agility and clasp with two robot fingers onto our garbage can.  Somehow, for some reason, it was hypnotic, and we three each absorbed the slow, mechanical movements as it heaved the garbage off the roadside and hold it over the massive hole on it's top, releasing a week's worth of diapers, cat litter, laundry lint, and other unspeakably nasty things dismissed in a family's trash.  And it occurred to me that the man driving the truck was good at his job, and I waved at him, as did the boys, as he drove down the block with a kind smile on his burly face.  

I couldn't help but smile as well, and I suddenly wanted to hug that man.

What if we didn't have garbage trucks?  I know what that looks like first hand.  When we were in Senegal 5 years ago, we were mesmerized by the raw and rustic beautiful of sub-Saharan Africa.  But the population isn't capable of affording food or medicine or clean water to drink and wash babies in, let alone the luxury of a sanitation department to collect and dispose of waste.  And the land was decimated by not only poverty but filth as well.  And even way out in the bush, far from the cities with their weak but running sanitation efforts, the beautiful, iconic African landscape was ruined by trash.  Plastic sacks wrapped around and hung from ancient baobab trees, and soda bottles or cans lay where they were dropped or where the wind had swept them.  Little bits of cellophane fluttered like butterflies from branches of acacia trees, and donkeys lumbered around with plastic wrapped around their legs or suctioned to their mouths as they tried to graze around it.

Somewhere between Baba Garage and Theis, Senegal in 2009:  I took this shot from the van as we left the villages, the long road into the city, the airport, and home.  Sadly the trash litters the bush as far as the eye can see.

And I'm not saying this with any elitist Christian pity, or ugly American arrogance.  It's only an observation, a contrast of cultures and circumstances.  I mention Senegal because today I wanted to hug my garbage truck driver, I wanted to yank him out of that odoriferous beast with its didactylous arm, and squeeze the prunes out of him because he did his job well, and he did it with a smile, and a friendly wave at a mom who was anxious to get the long day going, and two little boys who were enchanted by the truck he operated with such ease, for making it look easy, for lifting three dark fingers in a small salute to us, and smiling inside that scruffy beard as he drove our trash away.