Today has been reflective, as it goes when the boys are at their school. I did some writing this morning when I got home from taking Aaron to work and some errands, and then after lunch went grocery shopping. Alone. It's different without my little guys trying to help, or knocking stuff off shelves, or picking on each other, or asking for all kinds of treats. It's just me and my squeaky-wheeled shopping cart, and I can mosey and read labels, contemplate a new variety of tea, flip through a magazine in the checkout isle, and all of it without the constant hum of activity my little boys produce when they're with me. I relish it and miss them simultaneously. I walk through the baby isle just to remember it wasn't so long ago that I practically owned stock in the baby isle. Now diapers are long gone, bottles, burp cloths, the beautiful bonding of nursing...all those things that seemed so hard--AND WERE--but so precious, as well.
After groceries I picked them up from school and on the way home heard all about the Pokèmon cards that Brian had given Andres, and how Andrew and Daniel took Raph's Joker toy in class today, and Andrès saw the whole thing, expanding on his side of the story.
"So what's the plan today when we get home?"
"Well," Andrès started in an authoritative voice, "I'm going to do dishes then clean the Cannonball's water, then go play at Hawthorn's house."
"Yeah," said Raph from the very back seat of the minivan, ever a loyal lieutenant to Andrès.
They have a little friend from school, Hawthorne, who has moved in next door, and he spent a good deal of time at our house this summer, although I only allowed Wednesday for friends to come over. I sometimes had 7 kids here running amok during July and August and I couldn't have handled that everyday, so I limited it to one day a week. It worked out well. But now Hawthorne has all the video games and we have none, so he invites the boys to go over, and they do for an hour or so. Like all signs of maturity on their part, I welcome it and grieve it, celebrate it and lament it, at the same time.
As I unpacked and stealthily hid the special candy that will be tucked in stockings by Santa, Raphael had TP duty (opening and delivering rolls to fill all three bathroom's TP baskets), and Andrès did his chores as promised. When Cannonball was back happily in his bowl, they rushed to get their shoes on. I realized that I must have had them on my mind because I got them a new caffeine free tea called Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride to have with their snacks in the afternoon, a box of hot cocoa with a fresh bag of mini marshmallows, and a case of ginger beer to go with our pizza dinner on Friday.
"How long can we stay?" Andrès asked in a rush past me.
I did some math in my head because I wanted to hit the bookstore and get a book for school tomorrow, calculated driving time there and shopping time, and allow driving time to get Papa from work.
Before I could answer Raph was already out the door at the mailbox, spinning around in the cold gray day with the sweet look of joy on his face.
"Raph," I called to him from the house, rushing after him with produce in my hands, "Wait for your brother!"
Andrès burst out the door onto the lawn, the wind blowing his long hair in his face, turned to me.
"When do you want us back?" He called.
"Four fifteen, not a minute later!"
"Okay Mom! I love you!" And he blew me a little kiss.
"Love you Momma!" Raph called out over his shoulder, hand in hand they ran.
"I love you, too!" I called back to them.
Then they were gone, vanished around the tall bushes that separate our property from Hawthorne's. I could see flashes of them through the branches, running to ring the doorbell, and watched until I couldn't see or hear their voices any longer. Then it was just me and the green bell peppers in my hands, and my feet cold on the cement.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Missed Time
It's been a long time since I've sat down to chronicle the life and times of our young family. I didn't mean to drop out like that, but it's been a whirlwind since Aaron graduated, and we've all been trying to find our new balance.
Last year Andrès was in 2nd grade in home school with Evergreen Flex Academy, Cub Scouts, soccer, and choir at church. Raph was in preschool in Ms. Audrey's class and his nemesis, Braxton, who according to Raph, was a real trouble maker, and he always updated us on what sorts of naughty things Braxton did at school. Both of our boys were in a Spanish class on Saturdays in Portland, right next to a really cool up-cycled art supply store named SCRAP that had yarn-bombed trees in the front and jelly-fish hanging from the ceiling inside made of bottle caps and rummaged plastic parts. And from February to May, both boys were in a Christian-based home school co-op on Fridays. It was--needless to say--a very busy year.
Raph turned five (!!!) this spring, and since he's in love with a pair of cowboy boots, we decided to have a big cowboy party. He hadn't had a big party since his 3rd, and this one, the big 5, needed to be memorable. Everyone came and we were so glad for it! He's starting kinder this year, but I intend to have him in kinder next year too, as he's so young. I'd rather have him graduate a young 19 year old than a young 18 year old! He's having a blast and loves Ms. Poston. At home we do calendar work, practice writing, counting, sounding out letters, and have just starting reading. He's not yet there, but I'm sure next year he'll be rocking! I'm amazed at how good his handwriting has gotten, and how well he knows the sounds of the letters, and even learning to count up into the teens and twenties on his own.
Andrès turned nine this summer (again-!!!!) and had a small celebration for his birthday with his friend Nat and an apple pie rather than cake and ice cream. Simple and small. It was exactly what he wanted, but I hope that we can do something really sweet and special for his 10th next year. He's started 3rd grade with a new teacher this year, Mr. Peterson, who seems to be a good fit, so far. Andres is doing great in math! I've been so worried for the past three years, because 1st grade he hated it, 2nd grade wasn't much better, and this year we both had found that he gets it and might even like it a little. He's done a great job catching onto multiplication, which I was totally scared of teaching, but he's caught on quite fast. He's learning Latin, and doing a superb job, and still loves history and all things Roman. We've started doing geography and blob mapping in the classical manner, as well as started cursive handwriting.
I can't help but feel distracted by the pressures of the day, mostly financial, and try so hard to focus on my little boys. They're just growing so fast, and I'm dizzy at the speed at which time flies. Honestly, living as we do as homeschoolers on one income with one car has been a massive, unspeakable financial sacrifice. And the stress of making ends meets has not only burdened us, but crippled us at times. I wish I could ingore it, and just focus on my little guys, but it impacts them and what we're able to give them.
So far this year, we've held back on signing them up for any extra curricular activities, other than Andrès in choir and K2 at church. This is first year in K2, and he LOVES it. Meanwhile, Raphael is in the nursery playing with Abram and Joshua and he LOVES that. I've been wanting to get Raph into basketball and Andrès into flag football, but our money situation has been so dire that it's all been put on hold. I struggle with the guilt of that, like maybe we've hindered their growth somehow because they're not in all these activities like American kids are these days. But for our family, and for so many reasons, it's just not in our cards. And not once, for the record, have they ever asked to be in a sport, so it's not that they are pining for it, but I feel it's my job to expose them to skill-building opportunities, and as a homeschooler, I feel extra pressure to "socialize" them, too.
Aaron's searching for a better job, and has been since the summer. He's looking for something in the non-profit sector, something that not only gives him a raise which he needs and deserves, but something that he can believe is doing good work in the world. I pray that he lands that new job soon, for his sake and our family.
I look at my boys and marvel at them. They're smart, handsome, talented, and above all, the sweetest, most tender-hearted little men I've ever met. I'm so honored to be their mother, and so sad that I can't be the mother I wish I was for them. And I see my husband, who still makes me laugh and still shows me an unconditional love so profound that breaks my heart. I don't deserve this sweet, sweet life. But I am so grateful for it and so humbled by it.
Last year Andrès was in 2nd grade in home school with Evergreen Flex Academy, Cub Scouts, soccer, and choir at church. Raph was in preschool in Ms. Audrey's class and his nemesis, Braxton, who according to Raph, was a real trouble maker, and he always updated us on what sorts of naughty things Braxton did at school. Both of our boys were in a Spanish class on Saturdays in Portland, right next to a really cool up-cycled art supply store named SCRAP that had yarn-bombed trees in the front and jelly-fish hanging from the ceiling inside made of bottle caps and rummaged plastic parts. And from February to May, both boys were in a Christian-based home school co-op on Fridays. It was--needless to say--a very busy year.
Raph turned five (!!!) this spring, and since he's in love with a pair of cowboy boots, we decided to have a big cowboy party. He hadn't had a big party since his 3rd, and this one, the big 5, needed to be memorable. Everyone came and we were so glad for it! He's starting kinder this year, but I intend to have him in kinder next year too, as he's so young. I'd rather have him graduate a young 19 year old than a young 18 year old! He's having a blast and loves Ms. Poston. At home we do calendar work, practice writing, counting, sounding out letters, and have just starting reading. He's not yet there, but I'm sure next year he'll be rocking! I'm amazed at how good his handwriting has gotten, and how well he knows the sounds of the letters, and even learning to count up into the teens and twenties on his own.
Andrès turned nine this summer (again-!!!!) and had a small celebration for his birthday with his friend Nat and an apple pie rather than cake and ice cream. Simple and small. It was exactly what he wanted, but I hope that we can do something really sweet and special for his 10th next year. He's started 3rd grade with a new teacher this year, Mr. Peterson, who seems to be a good fit, so far. Andres is doing great in math! I've been so worried for the past three years, because 1st grade he hated it, 2nd grade wasn't much better, and this year we both had found that he gets it and might even like it a little. He's done a great job catching onto multiplication, which I was totally scared of teaching, but he's caught on quite fast. He's learning Latin, and doing a superb job, and still loves history and all things Roman. We've started doing geography and blob mapping in the classical manner, as well as started cursive handwriting.
I can't help but feel distracted by the pressures of the day, mostly financial, and try so hard to focus on my little boys. They're just growing so fast, and I'm dizzy at the speed at which time flies. Honestly, living as we do as homeschoolers on one income with one car has been a massive, unspeakable financial sacrifice. And the stress of making ends meets has not only burdened us, but crippled us at times. I wish I could ingore it, and just focus on my little guys, but it impacts them and what we're able to give them.
So far this year, we've held back on signing them up for any extra curricular activities, other than Andrès in choir and K2 at church. This is first year in K2, and he LOVES it. Meanwhile, Raphael is in the nursery playing with Abram and Joshua and he LOVES that. I've been wanting to get Raph into basketball and Andrès into flag football, but our money situation has been so dire that it's all been put on hold. I struggle with the guilt of that, like maybe we've hindered their growth somehow because they're not in all these activities like American kids are these days. But for our family, and for so many reasons, it's just not in our cards. And not once, for the record, have they ever asked to be in a sport, so it's not that they are pining for it, but I feel it's my job to expose them to skill-building opportunities, and as a homeschooler, I feel extra pressure to "socialize" them, too.
Aaron's searching for a better job, and has been since the summer. He's looking for something in the non-profit sector, something that not only gives him a raise which he needs and deserves, but something that he can believe is doing good work in the world. I pray that he lands that new job soon, for his sake and our family.
I look at my boys and marvel at them. They're smart, handsome, talented, and above all, the sweetest, most tender-hearted little men I've ever met. I'm so honored to be their mother, and so sad that I can't be the mother I wish I was for them. And I see my husband, who still makes me laugh and still shows me an unconditional love so profound that breaks my heart. I don't deserve this sweet, sweet life. But I am so grateful for it and so humbled by it.
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