I'm not complaining. Honestly I'm not. Bare with me, because I'll come around.
Here's the thing. Initially I was going to do this really cool daily project with the boys this November to take time out of the day and pray around one specific thing we are each grateful for, you know, building up for Thanksgiving, and just to get in the practice of being grateful on a daily basis, appreciating all the blessings we have and take for granted. I even had a really cool art activity to tie it into, a visual of being rich in blessings, something they could grasp and understand at their developmental levels. It was going to be a real Gold Medal Mom Moment, a thing we could grow closer together in doing together, and learning about being thankful in a cute, colorful way that could be displayed and remembered.
But life has a way of derailing us sometimes. We get sick, our kids get sick, our bank account is empty and so is the fridge and the gas tank and the cough syrup, and suddenly that really cool art project gets lost in the shuffle of just basic survival. Do we have meds for the boys to sleep? How creative can I be with dinner tonight? (Popcorn is a filling meal, it turns out.) When will we be able to go to the doctor, fill a prescription, and not be financially set back for a month because of it? I am really the best primary teacher for my child since I snap at him for things most 6 year old boys do, like squirming in the chair and horsing around rather than focusing and getting his work done? Does my youngest child have special needs? If so, what do I need to do for him? If not, do I have special needs? If so, how many can be remedied by crying in a hot shower after lunch?
Remember, I promised I wasn't complaining. I want to remember this, to jot this all down in an honest way because things won't remain this way, and I don't want to forget. Our life will change and this season will pass and I want to tell my future self and children that there were some freaking hard days in there.
Because today was that day. You know, the one where everything is harder, everything hurts a little more, things are a little darker than you know they really are. Yes. That day.
There's stress with Aaron's application to UW, and the deadline is in a month. Today was Grocery Shopping Day that didn't transpire because my meds were shockingly pricy, so no groceries this week. We are ALL sick. I had the flu last night and Aaron woke up with a cold this morning , the boys are both coughing all over the place like fiends. It's germ city around here. Raphael painted the kitchen in maple syrup this morning, and although it smells warm and cozy because of it, you stick to the floor everywhere you step, and his coughing woke him from his nap, meaning that he screamed and cried. All. Day. Long. Any fun learning activity was completely down the drain at school today so I gave Andres pages and pages of skip counting practice. No wonder he was squirming in his seat, eh? He said "boring" for the first time in my presence today when I wouldn't let him watch TV or play Angry Birds and I chastised him, saying it was bad word not allowed in the house.
Not complaining at all. But I do want to remember these days, too. Because although that "I'm grateful for" activity would have been really cute and made for a wonderful blog post, the truth is I'm trying to be content right where I am, even on these days where I know I'm failing all over the place. Especially on these days when I'm failing, I appreciate things much, much more. I appreciate my health more, my family more, my home more, our penny jar more, hot showers more, that canister of popcorn kernels more...suddenly every small thing that has always been there all along is precious and treasured.
There are some freaking hard days, and they teach me so much about what really matters. I'm grateful for that.
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